When our teens engage in challenging behavior, it often triggers negative feelings inside of parents and ignites fears for the future. That fear can lead us to increase our discipline which can lead to heightened conflict. When we learn to see our teen’s behavior through a new lens – as an opportunity to identify skills that need to be developed, it can help parents focus on support rather than discipline. That change in perspective and change in our approach helps our teens feel understood and helps them want to collaborate rather than push back.
After 19 years, Andrea left her thriving career as a lawyer to homeschool her autistic son when she was unable to find a school in which he could flourish. After nearly eight years of homeschooling, her son was ready to return to school. Instead of returning to her law career, Andrea wanted to share her knowledge and experience with other parents. She also returned to school and earned a Master’s degree in Education (M.S.Ed.) to maximize her impact in supporting parents. She started Autism Parent Solutions, to educate, support and empower parents with parent coaching to reclaim the joy of parenting as they help their autistic children make rapid progress, grow communication and collaboration, and create a peaceful home.
Key Takeaways
- Support over discipline: when our children misbehave, we have a tenancy to lean in discipline when often the case is that they do not yet have the skills to cope with what’s happening. Skill deficiency leads to misbehavior.
- Help your teen grow the skills that will give them the support they need to correct behaviors.
- Parents can take a moment before responding to misbehavior to collect their thoughts and try to understand what is going on for their teen instead of feeling like they have to react right away.
- An example of opening to a broader understanding might be to consider, “He/she is not giving me a hard time…he/she is having a hard time.” “He/she is doing the best he/she can.
- Sometimes parents need help implementing what they read and hear about on healthy parenting skills.
- Parents have their own experience, beliefs and thoughts about how they were raised when they were a teen and this can influence how they parent their own kids.
- As parents, we often try to control what’s going on for our teens, when that can be the least effective approach.
- When parents have an understanding of their teen’s behavior, it can help their teen feel confident, seen and heard.
- Heavy handed discipline can lower your teen’s self-esteem.
- Confident parenting doesn’t mean it’s perfect. It means you’ve done a great job and you can be gentle with yourself when things go sideways.
- It’s important as a parent to stop and celebrate what’s working.
Resources
- To book a call: autismparentsolutions.com/apply
- For more information: autismparentsolutions.com
- Follow on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/autismparentsolutions
- Follow on Instagram: @autismparentsolutions
